A Hooligan’s Day Out

Shock and awe, a group of intrepid looking men with blood on the tip of their fingers lurks on the foggy street of an unknown neighborhood. Behind them is a miniature gasping for life, seemingly hopeless but not. For the sake of the macabre influence of this writing, the blood belongs to that fading voice.

“Lord, do not hold this sin against them”

Just a few hours ago, the streets are filled with death-hungry people, in each of their hands were stones of different sizes. The sentence was meted out, this person deserves to die. According to the “law of the people”, he was a blasphemer. When in fact his only fault was that the “learned” Jews could not stand up against his wisdom or by the Spirit by whom he spoke.

He was among the seven whom the twelve disciples chose as full of the Spirit and wisdom. And amidst the accusations being thrown at him, his face looked like the face of an angel as all who were sitting on the Sanhedrin saw.

“Lord Jesus receive my spirit”

With all faith, knowing that the God he serves who has promised will never fail, he left his murderers with a genuine “shock and awe”. He spoke forgiveness, every moment of his last breath were spent with the blessing of forgiveness to each fiery hands that made sure his bones would crush, his skull would break open, his flesh would bleed, to all of this things even death, the crowd succeeded except for one.

They threw stones with one thing in mind, they thought Stephen would recommend them to Satan with a broken heart, but the opposite thing happened;

He spoke in behalf of all of them.

“Lord, do not hold this sin against them”

I remember a grudge that I had with a college pal, he said I was not good enough to reach the cyber world in front of the whole cyber community. I did not spoke to him for weeks. It’s a lame comparison I know, but that’s how I am when it comes to holding grudges to people who would oppose me. Yeah right, compared to Stephen I’m a hooligan and I took a day out when I remembered his story. In fact writing about it became more of an obstacle when it’s supposed to be a lesson to be learned.

Come to think of it, I reached the cyber world, still lame though.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you
Lewis B. Smedes

Desperate for Light

So much familiar with afternoons, it’s a sign that the evening is coming. It tells us that in a few moments the light of the sun will leave us with a mere reflection of its light on the moon.

Life has its afternoons, especially made for failure-prone creatures. For sinful-by-nature beings. For the self-loving, godless society. Afternoons are always here to remind us that days turn into nights; the strong would yield to a good night’s rest, the poet would write his last words and close the last page of his own resume.

How many of us have been through the same road for the nth time around? How many failures does it take to believe that it’s the last one? How much anger would it spell to realize the undeserved kindness of God aiming at our combatant heart? Is that your last stare? Is that your last glimpse? Does your tongue have enough to sting? How about your neighbor? Does he remind you that you are not alone? That sometimes it’s ok to be silent when they are talking? Who do you have to reason with? That person in the mirror? Isn’t it you? The same old you?

Oh yes, indeed time is inadequate for you to get your portion of the land of smiles and triumphs. The more you count time, the more you lose it. The more you gain access to friends, the more you become alone. Ironies of all ironies, it’s not about the numbers that would make you a better person or a lesser failure if we would go by our definition of man. It’s always the heart that dictates your direction, and a heart without God is aimlessly pursuing nothing.

How come there is still a road ahead for those who wane? It’s all grace that gave your feet the ground it stands, it’s all grace that provided words in your lips after your worthless promises. It’s all grace that shed light on your dark face. But where would you go after the long run when time catches up on you again?

When was the last time you prayed? No I mean the last time your heart talked to God? Prayers can be part of a daily routine, but not all prayers have heart. I can’t stop meddling with man’s futile attempt to live in peace yet end up the opposite. Who failed where and when?

I am not sure. One thing I am sure about is we are not called to fail. Though we are doomed to fail because we are not anywhere near God’s standard, Christ loved us best when we were a failure. He died for all of us even when we are yet sinners. And His grace abounds. Suddenly we become undeserving pricks that even if we fail a thousand times, God has a thousand and one ways of His kindness leading us to repentance.

Wake up sleeping soul, the Lord is mighty to save. There are great battles to be won for His kingdom, and those battles that you can not win for yourself, He already won it all. Don’t even try to outsource your own will to alter His love. It’s there forever regardless if you are or if you are not.

Now evening falls, you become desperate for light. Just try to get some sleep. That’s all you can do when the sun sets in.

About your failures! Never mind if you think you are unable to take another step after all these, for either He will strengthen you to make you able, or He will call a sudden halt, and you will not have to take it all.1

Sleep. Just sleep.

Notes:
1. Frances Ridley Havergal, Streams in the Desert, pp16, Copyright 1925 by the Zondervan Corp.

Sleeveless Errands

This is the second article that I wrote for an OFW magazine based in Singapore, actually I wrote this early December, and I remember writing about Christ coming from the manger to the cross. The publisher instead asked me to write about the New Year. And so I scrubbed my eyebrows to rush for this topic and the gracious Lord has provided that I be able to come up with this. And now I want to share this to all of you. May all of us be blessed with the coming year as God has faithfully desired to bless each one of us.

A few more tick of the clock and it's high time to look back to the past. The past 365 days at least.. A vast majority of people “once again” would come up with a long list of hopeful wishes. We plan to resolve issues by ourselves, never mind if it would be a replica of last year's agenda. What's important is to make that promise again and try our best to make it better this year.

One popular website lists the top 10 New Year's resolution that we mortal beings make. Topping the list is “Spending more time with family and friends”. The list is a result of polls conducted by different organizations and they have figures to prove that people really come up with these resolutions¹. Analyzing the list makes you think that man, in reality has age-old disappointments in life. We are prone to “miss the mark” or “not meet the line”. As long as our sanity could hold, we have a tendency to fail ourselves.

Then the 31^st of December comes, we are shocked to look at a blank sheet of data, we found out that the only effort we made in relation to these promises is to make a list of them. And then you sit on a table with a new sheet of paper to list a new set of resolutions, you could only say to yourself, “How come I miss that one?”

But why? It is not so difficult to do after all. It is not a life and death situation, it does not take a full armor to resist life's buoyant charisma, you don't need a surgeon to always remind you what smoking and drinking could do to the sensitive tissues of your body. And it only takes a mirror to realize that you need to tame that bulge tucked in your pants in favor of your belt. There are things called, paychecks, payslips, its printed clear for you to see, how come you always spend more than you have?

C.S. Lewis wrote, “We would have never promised to do things if we would have known how busy we would be. And all human beings have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way and can not really get rid of it.”²

Can it be true? That the more we understand our being, the more we become tolerant of these behaviors? Or is there Someone in the center of it all who made all things for our enjoyment yet we shun from Him. Going back to the second question of this paragraph, can humans, which are mere creations grasp the thought of the Creator?

Maybe if we would have known that we are created for a purpose, that we could not make it through a minute of this life with pure thoughts, maybe we would instead leave all things in one table and let Him who owns all do all the repairing for us. Maybe through that we would realize that there is no such thing as hopeless – only Godless.

Another year wasted you would say.

I have good news for you, the bible says “In Christ all things hold together”^3. Steven Curtis Chapman wrote, “There's a wonder in the here and now, it's right there in front of you. This is the only moment that we could do anything about”⁴

So the next time you would think of writing a new list of To-Dos, take it from the Best Man that ever lived, “Apart from Me you can do nothing”⁵

Notes:

1. http://pittsburgh.about.com/od/holidays/tp/resolutions.htm

2. CS Lewis, pp 7-8, “Mere Christianity”.. CS Lewis Pte Ltd. 1942

3. Colossians 1:17 NIV

4. Steven Curtis Chapman, “Miracle of the Moment”. Sparrow Songs, Peach Hill Songs 2007

5. John 15:5 NIV

Jesus is best CEO-type leader, says new S Korean leader

On my way to Mandalai Drive this morning, I got a copy of Today Online, a free newspaper from Mediacorp. While browsing the pages of the newspaper. The name of Jesus in bold letters on top of one of the pages caught my attention. This is indeed good news.

It's past midnight now, and I made sure I would be able to post a copy of this article to my blogsite. Well, here it is. The following section is published on Today Online, pp 22, December 29,2007, Saturday. Be blessed!

SEOUL — South Korea’s President-elect Lee Myung Bak , a former business CEO, has described Jesus Christ as “the best model of a CEO-type leader”. Mr Lee, 66, made the statement during a prayer meeting on Thursday at Seoul’s Somang Church where he serves as a Presbyterian elder, his aide Kim Heon Jin said.

“I’ve said I will become a CEO-type leader but, actually, the best model of a CEO-type leader was Jesus Christ,” Mr Lee said. “Two millennia ago, Jesus showed a leadership of service by
washing the feet of his disciples.

“Likewise, I will do my own best, serving the people.” Mr Lee wanted to stress his desire to become a president devoted to working for the people, the aide said. A former chief executive of the Hyundai group, Mr Lee has pledged to revitalise the economy. He faces a criminal inquiry into his alleged links to a 2001 share manipulation fraud. He denies wrongdoing and was cleared by an earlier investigation.

About one in four of the population, or 13.7 million South Koreans, are Christians, according to the National Statistical Office.

AFP

Like a Rose Trampled on the Ground

[Reflections on the Song, Above All]

Above all powers, Above all kings
Above all nature, And all created things
Above all wisdom, And all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Julius Caesar made the most of his divine ancestry and built a temple in his forum to Venus Genetrix, Mao Tze Tung had his little red book carried by multitudes, Adolf Hitler killed the Jews, Pol Pot became popular with agrarian communism, Joseph Estrada became president, Mike Arroyo went to Hong Kong, the bus driver cuts loose a wild chase in EDSA, a rugby-saturated young thief went off with the purse of an old lady in white, a jobless drunk stabbed to death a sober dreamer.

Above all kingdoms, Above all thrones
Above all wonders, The world has ever known
Above all wealth, And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure What You're worth

Napoleon was poisoned, Saddam Hussein was caught on a filthy hole in Baghdad, Kurt Cobain swallowed a shotgun bullet, Richard Nixon stepped down from office, JFK's head was shattered by an assassin's bullet, Ninoy Aquino's white clothes were tainted with his own blood, Ferdinand Marcos flew to Hawaii, Government inks ZTE deal, Team Unity beats Genuine Opposition 12-0, FPJ dies, PGMA says sorry, the writer of this blog thought he knew it all.

Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

A carpenter was nailed to a wooden cross, the blood of a sinless Savior for the remission of the sins of those who killed Him, the King of kings stripped of His robe on His way to the cross, His death in exchange for the lives of those who would believe, Glorious Lord crowned with thorns, the multitudes hated and shouted at the One whom the angels worship, “It is finished” and the battle is won! He rose on the third day, He sits on His throne but He is never busy running His Kingdom for you not to hear these words from Him “I love you my child, I gave my only begotten Son, believe me and you will have eternal life”

Jesus Christ, according to Paul Baloche and Lenny LeBlanc's song was rejected trampled on the ground like a rose. Beautiful Jesus took the fall, and thought of you and me – ABOVE ALL!

In Pursuit of Happiness

Singapore. 9:52pm


Here are my thoughts again after a long hiatus inside a cave of asp.net codes, world history and book-reading. Suddenly, I found myself recuperating in unimaginable ways. Was it the mind sweeping activities I chose to get busy with? Or was it the encouragement of what’s left of the masses that I gained notoriety as a streaming scoundrel?

One word to fill the blank. Grace.

Yes, of all the attributes that covered my whole being, those that covered me with a placenta of self-proclaimed influence. I almost got to my last breath ignorant of the real fuel that kept my body pumping life for 30 years. I almost threw my dreams to the ravine of an identity crisis. Unabashed and indignant of anyone who comes my way by telling me to sit down and have a good cup of coffee with a cup of good people.

In daytime, I enjoyed life while at nighttime I hid from life. And as the earth freeze for a time being, as the night overcomes the day, I crawled the floor of humiliation grasping for thin air. With a blind sight and a frail body I shook my head in disbelief.

Suddenly out of the corners of the dark alley that I am trapped into, a spark of hope fleets in to light my path. And as I took a small step forward, one mighty arm saved me and broadens the path beneath me. In a minus eighty eight degree centigrade temperature, grace was sufficient for me to feel embraced again with love and forgiveness. As I leave the dust of my wrong decisions leading to mountains of consequences, I found confidence and strength in the sovereignty of a universal master plan so vast for human perception yet so simple before the greatest Artist in the history of everything.

He paints the canvass with different colors and different strokes of His brush. He might have given emphasis to the beauty of the clouds, but He never missed the details of the rough rocks that serve as static walls that the waves embrace. Giving a beautiful refreshing sound of hope as heat subsides when the water meets the shore.


God meets us where we are and not where someone is.
Joseph M. Stowell, Radical Reliance: Living 24/7 with God, 2006

Positive Minus

A friend once asked me, what in the world are you writing about? What are those things? Where do you get it and how do you find the time to spend thinking about such things?

How would I answer that? My thoughts can only be written at the moment that my heart can speak the truest of its intention. The veracity of my actions has defined itself in a manner that I would not have imagined before. Buoyant as it may seem, but I never intended the curtains to close in grief and distrust.

And as I am always boldly saying, I would stand for what I believed in…NO MATTER WHAT THE COST. Then suddenly… as I review my past actions written on life’s voucher, there’s one thing missing – virtue. You read it right. There was a lack of virtue in what I believed in. I got me a safe place to stand, I had the words to speak, I had a clear understanding of the self-in-a-bottle-of-time attitude but the backbone of all of it was not much founded on rectitude.

All I have now is a picture of the laughter. Though I intend to hear the laughter again, the image itself is still and silent.

But life has to go on.

But one thing I need to do: Forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead, “To press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14

The time I only have is now, and I wait for tomorrow with the promise of hope and a better future. To seek favor from the heart of the One whom I broke, He who has loved me with an everlasting love.

The storm left for now, but before I get caught in another storm. I would allow the leaves to dry. And when the leaves are dry enough, then would I touch it with confidence, gently hold it firm and with the grace of Him who paints the rainbow in the sky… I will overcome.

I am sorry for the rainy days… I am not used to bringing umbrella when it rains!

>,"<

The Wind Heads North

An epilogue to “Love Letter to the Wind”
Sevenink in Singapore
5:10am 05-28-2007

“In your graceful and unfathomed steps, you leave a trail for hope to follow. As the leaves kiss the ground when you head home to the north, so will my heart lie peaceful beneath the adornment of dust and shingles that covers my chest.”

85 miles north of the Equator, a few hours shy of sunrise, with a cup of coffee pretending to be my soul mate, I hurried to my laptop in dire hope to write in words the absence of words in my lips.

In the past few days, the Sovereign God introduced Himself to me as the God of details. Many times in my life He proved how majestic the works of His hand is, how he turns worship inside the church to a glimpse of heaven. How He turns mourning into dancing by quenching the thirst of the desperate souls.

But despite His glorious powers displayed in ways that makes every “believer” shun his own god (or even former gods), despite the grandiosity of the sick being healed and sinners being delivered, there are things that are mostly untouched following these words, “I thank the Lord for…”

As our name gets called to stand on the pulpit to testify on God’s goodness, a miniature time-machine gears up at the back of our mind speeding its way to the last time God proved himself to us.

Does it always need to be artistic? Do you need a lot of words to speak “Praise God?”

If God have numbered even the hairs of our head, and if He names all the stars in the sky, then He is in real serious business of touching our lives even in the animosity of our confused society. Even in the unnoticed details that exist with every second of history. In fact, He has crafted us in detail (“fearfully and wonderfully made”). Have you heard of placing an electrode in the human scalp just to record the electrical activity in the brain? Oh well, if there’s anyone else other than God who better understands how each of our brains should perform such activity, I’d give him my life. Do you know that the human heart has two separate parts? One collecting de-oxygenated blood, the other, collects oxygenated blood. A meshwork of cardiac muscle cells, who planned all this?

Truth of details versus the status-quo preference.

What if you are trapped in an island with only the earth’s crust to comfort you, can you dance your way into praising Him? With the immovable rocks before you and the heat of the sun exposing the absence of shade in a radius of 5Km, can we shake our own hands and tell ourselves “I’m glad you are here?”

Without the sound of the cymbals, the amplified rhythm section of a loud band, without a microphone in your hand, without the presence of a rejoicing peer, without the pastor, without your best friend, without your loved one, without everything else. Only God’s promise in your heart…brethren how would you praise God?

Is praise possible in the absence of everything else? Yes, you might say, but have you gone that road before? And are you willing to travel that unpopular direction if you are led to?

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habakkuk 3:17-18

Love Letter to the Wind

Sevenink in Singapore
05.08.07 11:41pm

The helm of time rolls over with a counterfeit bliss attached to its series of countless revolution. In the solace of nature’s warm embrace, I find each moment more invigorating by your presence in my every breath. Though I desire to hold you as you softly swift in front of me, the world may hate me for my selfish carnality to own what is not mine. And as another life breathes you from the opposite side of the world, thus, my will to take you as mine will be forsaken.

In your graceful and unfathomed steps, you leave a trail for hope to follow. As the leaves kiss the ground when you head home to the north, so will my heart lie peacefully beneath the adornment of dust and shingles that covers my chest.

I seek to find rest with you alone in my arms. But how? Calmly you stay but my eyes can’t see you. I can only see you when you swim through the trees with a lovely song . Oh the cruelty of the forest will not make my heart believe that I can't love you. Though tall trees hinders me to follow you, the comfort of the streams that feeds their roots shall lead me to you.

Oh great wind! Speak softly to my ear and tell me where you are heading. Though I may not find ways to make you safe to your chosen place, still, I can build a fence of prayers that my heart alone can give.

Never mind the rain, never mind the heat of the sun... for your breeze will hide my tears and bring forth a cooling soothe of confidence to my weary soul.

The night approaches, will you be here when I sleep? It won’t matter for tomorrow I will wake up and breathe the first air for a new day. I know it’s you, the wind who will stay long after my name is forgotten by everyone. Everyone who will witness my frail body being sealed under the same ground that the leaves have kissed when you left.

And then will I know where your home is. Need I knock when my heart is already at home with you?

Unfathomed Tears

Sevenink in Singapore
05.01.2007 11:45pm

We have the right to cry without the whole world knowing why!

I woke up in the saddest of my days, can’t hardly pray that’s why I just told God what’s in my heart. Today I lost my most treasured possession, which I can not throw away, and plan to throw away, has found a way out on its own. With all its glory and beauty and majesty, the treasure bid goodbye to me.

Last night, the mischief in me caught a glimpse of its own misdeed in mid-air. Of all things to pray about, I prayed about death. I pray that God take me from where I am because I would not know where I would be after the last page of the book turned and galloped to eternity. Where do I pick up the pieces of a broken glass window, and if found out where, why would I pick it? It would only make me bleed!

Minutes after I closed my eyes to sleep, death came knocking at my door. Never was death so vivid and clear in his intention of pulling me out of this earth. The bed I was sleeping has a second deck on top. Suddenly, a rumbling feeling came out of me, I could see the second deck and what’s fascinating is I could visibly see that I’m on my way pass the deck on top of me, and I could really feel my body is still laying on the first deck. It was slow sure death. But I thought about names of persons, of people, then I shouted and I woke up.

How do I pray after that ludicrous stunt?

My first time to read the bible from the back of my tears, imagine yourself inside a car as rain pours heavily outside and on the opposite side of the window you find little words scribbling for your attention. Hard to grasp. But as I am in dire need of God’s word this morning, I just opened my mouth and transcribed the pain I’m feeling inside.

As hopeless as it may seem, I did not waiver to seek for one Word, anything at all that would untie the cord that is strangling my consciousness this very minute.

Then the awesome display of God’s abundant provision took center stage.

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him”

Pointblank, the summation of all good things I thought of, I planned to have, all the worth of this world that I strive to keep as myself – they all became like a dew on a leaf in a forest compared to the One who created the forest.

This is what I call small time.

I plan to buy my own Mac this year, I plan to drive my own car next year, I dreamed of plotting my own orbit for the greatest love I’ve had and I see myself as a successful creative artist with limitless access to my digital canvass. Of course I also have different things in my mind other than these which are nothing less than hedonistic. But I choose to discuss anything positive out of myself this time as to avoid confusion. Besides, I’m portraying the role of a super villain here. (Remember a few paragraphs earlier I prayed for death?)

Small time it is.

Now I don’t have a choice but to wait. But for sure, never again will I pray for death. Never again would I reduce the time allotted for me to traverse this road ahead. And with these words, I hope to plant a smile to the beauty of the night; to the color I love most, to the walking shadow under the heat of the sun, to the half of march, to the silent wailer, to the crying voice. I will see the unfolding of God’s promise in a time that is only His.

Defeating Ignorant Grief

SevenInk in Singapore
04.25.2007 09:30 AM



Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Psalm 90:14 NIV

I began this day reciting this verse repeatedly, amidst my tears in hope that suddenly I would start singing for joy and be glad all my days.

Unfailing love, translated in the Amplified Bible as God’s mercy and loving-kindness. To where shall I put my trust in times that trust has lost its ground inside the very core of my heart. To where shall I seek joy when my weary eyes have given way to my tears as its master.

Nowadays, when silence seems so loud and grief is comfortable in its new-found home which is my being, making the next step feels like a feat requiring higher level of knowledge. My right foot can’t make its move as my left foot is so sturdy and careless of its other half.

Oh, grief is so ignorant and does not even care to learn. (L.B. Cowman, Streams in the Desert). Ever watched this in real time? Ever had all the colors in your palette but you end up painting grayscale? How about drinking water from an empty glass and yet you expect to be filled?

Pain has numerous ways to count its way inside a man’s heart. Yet my heart would decide if pain indeed would have its way inside me. But as the battle heightens up, I begin to realize that I’m losing by TKO. I seek protection inside the covering of the mighty armor of silence yet the fiercest of my thoughts beats the hell out of me.

I lay my armor, I stare at the horizon, I touch the soft wind and like a whisper to a thunderous scream, I uttered in defeat to God, “lay down your game plan and I’ll zoom my way against all foes knowing You planned it”.

Now I wait for the certain peace in uncertain time. But as God holds the hands of the clock, it would stop whenever its destined to stop.

Time is running out for this mortal breath of mine. But the immortality of eternity waits with abundant joy as the rest of the soldiers of God who lived in this world gloriously triumph bearing no sign of their wounds and no blood to spill as the blood of the Savior already spilled its way for my redemption.

Our joys are made better when sorrow is in the midst of them. And our sorrows become bright through the joys that God has planted around them.(L.B. Cowman, Streams in the Desert)

Losing.Life

Losing.Life
Bedok North Ave 3, Singapore
11:59pm 10/21/2006

Oh joy, I left you on solid ground before I fell to the silence of my growing pain. I can’t remember how you looked like as you sneak from behind my dreams. I can’t see clearly as I search from the wholeness of you. If I would have the riches of this world and not have joy, I’d rather trade my breath for one cold smile. I’d rather leave my shadow for the glory of the stars in the sky.

Forgotten, that’s where I would be going, that’s what I would become. To all the souls I passed by, walked with, lived with and loved as my own. From dust I come from, dust I am, dust I become. And as you don’t call dust by name. I become equal with nothing, a prelude to vacancy. The art of the work of my hand which dignified the color of calmness is now a resounding vastness of defeat.

Saved by grace.

This is what matters.

Regardless of being left alone…regardless of being humiliated with my own deeds. Salvation came.

And as you leave, wherever you will be...the promise will always conquer all doubts.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:7