Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Unleavened Thoughts

16th of April, 11:48 pm, gate 3 NAIA. Waiting for our boarding announcement, I am now bored, who would not be? My plane ticket says I should have left 3 hours ago,(meaning, I should be in Singapore by now) but still here I am, already bought 2 phone cards to talk to my friends. Oh life, I asked them, “would you want me to leave?, The plane won’t start” my friend just giggled over the phone and told me, “don’t know anything about it”. Good to hear a voice of an angel friend.

This is the most boring boredom that ever landed my bored thoughts. To make matters worst, my mobile phone is almost dead. Why in the world would I keep my phone charger on the bag that I checked in and not on the bag that I’m carrying now? Maybe it’s a result of a Dysphiriangenetical Immuno Acidic Mutation Of Nerves, in short – Lack of Sleep, in Tagalog - “Puyat”.(Ok I admit, I made it up!)

Yes it was a wild ride, the last few days was like a train bound to kingdom come. Everything is scattered on my soft damped carpet, my books are all in place (all of them occupies random location on a Cartesian plane that I call my home)

I don’t know anyone from the group of people that are also bored waiting for the boarding announcement but I find solace in being far from anyone that I knew, for a while but not for a moment.

Now, it made me think about what I would be leaving behind and where I am heading to. It could fall into several categories though, those happy plastic people that would give you their best smile armored with a claw of doubt. And those that possess the ability to shift gears on the fly.

No more waking up on sorry nights, fearing my own tears and clogging my dreams with fabricated sunsets. The final countdown has reached its end, as silence makes up for the lost time that dissonance has taken for itself. I now hold on to the peace that passes all understanding, to the most significant thing that money can not buy, to the happiness that was tainted with eloquent beliefs of the wandering spectators.

Finally, the boarding announcement. And as usual you would hear the “sorry for the inconvenience” litany, as if it would help. And as I board my plane, I leave the rest of my life to the One who would hold my plane to its safe landing, the One who would allow me to walk the road in safety. To the One who knows my most precious thoughts, even my most lonely days. The fear of leaving supersedes the fear of having to start all over again.

It is so hard to cry. But it’s harder to be the reason for someone else’s tears.

Hold your breath.

1 comment:

zhang said...

hmmm..
sana tinawagan mo din ako nun :(

hehehehehe..joking...