Sevenink in Singapore
05.01.2007 11:45pm
We have the right to cry without the whole world knowing why!
I woke up in the saddest of my days, can’t hardly pray that’s why I just told God what’s in my heart. Today I lost my most treasured possession, which I can not throw away, and plan to throw away, has found a way out on its own. With all its glory and beauty and majesty, the treasure bid goodbye to me.
Last night, the mischief in me caught a glimpse of its own misdeed in mid-air. Of all things to pray about, I prayed about death. I pray that God take me from where I am because I would not know where I would be after the last page of the book turned and galloped to eternity. Where do I pick up the pieces of a broken glass window, and if found out where, why would I pick it? It would only make me bleed!
Minutes after I closed my eyes to sleep, death came knocking at my door. Never was death so vivid and clear in his intention of pulling me out of this earth. The bed I was sleeping has a second deck on top. Suddenly, a rumbling feeling came out of me, I could see the second deck and what’s fascinating is I could visibly see that I’m on my way pass the deck on top of me, and I could really feel my body is still laying on the first deck. It was slow sure death. But I thought about names of persons, of people, then I shouted and I woke up.
How do I pray after that ludicrous stunt?
My first time to read the bible from the back of my tears, imagine yourself inside a car as rain pours heavily outside and on the opposite side of the window you find little words scribbling for your attention. Hard to grasp. But as I am in dire need of God’s word this morning, I just opened my mouth and transcribed the pain I’m feeling inside.
As hopeless as it may seem, I did not waiver to seek for one Word, anything at all that would untie the cord that is strangling my consciousness this very minute.
Then the awesome display of God’s abundant provision took center stage.
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him”
Pointblank, the summation of all good things I thought of, I planned to have, all the worth of this world that I strive to keep as myself – they all became like a dew on a leaf in a forest compared to the One who created the forest.
This is what I call small time.
I plan to buy my own Mac this year, I plan to drive my own car next year, I dreamed of plotting my own orbit for the greatest love I’ve had and I see myself as a successful creative artist with limitless access to my digital canvass. Of course I also have different things in my mind other than these which are nothing less than hedonistic. But I choose to discuss anything positive out of myself this time as to avoid confusion. Besides, I’m portraying the role of a super villain here. (Remember a few paragraphs earlier I prayed for death?)
Small time it is.
Now I don’t have a choice but to wait. But for sure, never again will I pray for death. Never again would I reduce the time allotted for me to traverse this road ahead. And with these words, I hope to plant a smile to the beauty of the night; to the color I love most, to the walking shadow under the heat of the sun, to the half of march, to the silent wailer, to the crying voice. I will see the unfolding of God’s promise in a time that is only His.
05.01.2007 11:45pm
We have the right to cry without the whole world knowing why!
I woke up in the saddest of my days, can’t hardly pray that’s why I just told God what’s in my heart. Today I lost my most treasured possession, which I can not throw away, and plan to throw away, has found a way out on its own. With all its glory and beauty and majesty, the treasure bid goodbye to me.
Last night, the mischief in me caught a glimpse of its own misdeed in mid-air. Of all things to pray about, I prayed about death. I pray that God take me from where I am because I would not know where I would be after the last page of the book turned and galloped to eternity. Where do I pick up the pieces of a broken glass window, and if found out where, why would I pick it? It would only make me bleed!
Minutes after I closed my eyes to sleep, death came knocking at my door. Never was death so vivid and clear in his intention of pulling me out of this earth. The bed I was sleeping has a second deck on top. Suddenly, a rumbling feeling came out of me, I could see the second deck and what’s fascinating is I could visibly see that I’m on my way pass the deck on top of me, and I could really feel my body is still laying on the first deck. It was slow sure death. But I thought about names of persons, of people, then I shouted and I woke up.
How do I pray after that ludicrous stunt?
My first time to read the bible from the back of my tears, imagine yourself inside a car as rain pours heavily outside and on the opposite side of the window you find little words scribbling for your attention. Hard to grasp. But as I am in dire need of God’s word this morning, I just opened my mouth and transcribed the pain I’m feeling inside.
As hopeless as it may seem, I did not waiver to seek for one Word, anything at all that would untie the cord that is strangling my consciousness this very minute.
Then the awesome display of God’s abundant provision took center stage.
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him”
Pointblank, the summation of all good things I thought of, I planned to have, all the worth of this world that I strive to keep as myself – they all became like a dew on a leaf in a forest compared to the One who created the forest.
This is what I call small time.
I plan to buy my own Mac this year, I plan to drive my own car next year, I dreamed of plotting my own orbit for the greatest love I’ve had and I see myself as a successful creative artist with limitless access to my digital canvass. Of course I also have different things in my mind other than these which are nothing less than hedonistic. But I choose to discuss anything positive out of myself this time as to avoid confusion. Besides, I’m portraying the role of a super villain here. (Remember a few paragraphs earlier I prayed for death?)
Small time it is.
Now I don’t have a choice but to wait. But for sure, never again will I pray for death. Never again would I reduce the time allotted for me to traverse this road ahead. And with these words, I hope to plant a smile to the beauty of the night; to the color I love most, to the walking shadow under the heat of the sun, to the half of march, to the silent wailer, to the crying voice. I will see the unfolding of God’s promise in a time that is only His.
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